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LaylaAnn05

Layla Poinelli

67 posts in this topic

funny how a sight, a sound, a thought will bring them right back to the forefront of your mind and heart, even with the distractions of life all around. I believe those are the times they've decided to come for a visit, and are letting you know.

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Gab,

I think you are right ..we never stop missing them. I think one always feels a tug at the heart when we've been fortunate enough to have a great love ...animal or otherwise. I also believe that they are still "around us" and am sure your sweet one is trying to comfort you.

There are some toys of ZOOM's MisChief plays with ...even if she has her own things, but when she comes running up with one of ZOOM's and wants to play...I take it as a hello and a hug. Am sure Layla is sending you many of those....

hope things get better my friend.

Susan, MisChief,

& Angel ZOOM

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Gabs, it just doesn't seem like the heartache will end. I just wonder when u stop counting...I am counting weeks and days (4 weeks and 2 days) and u are counting months-but I hope we will soon have happy memories at the forefront of our minds.

I am sending hugs and thinking of u.

Edited by k9sign

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Oh Cindy, I felt so selfish reading your post. Here I am going on and on about how hard it is and that couldn't have offerred you much in the sense of calming. I am so sorry :(

I hope that life is treating you well, and that your heart is healing. I'm slowly getting there, Layla was my first girl and the love of my life so it's been really difficult.

What's been really difficult is that when I am upset, Layla's my go-to. Without her, it's been pretty bittersweet and oddly ironic.

Have I stopped counting the days? No, sadly I have not. I can still feel the pain of losing her as raw as if it happened yesterday. Life's throwing so many curveballs these days that I stay occupied but I still miss her terribly.

I feel like nothing, myself included, will ever be the same again.

Love ya Layla Ann, and missing you terribly.

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Oh, Gabs, u were not being selfish in posting how ur heart is still hurting. I just wanted u to know that I understand how u feel. It has now been a few days over 3 months since losing Tuck, and I still can lose it at the drop of a hat.

I also understand the emptiness and ache u feel since she was ur "go to".

Just becuz my loss of Tuck is more recent then ur loss of Layla doesn't make either of us less heartbroken. In fact I think sharing our feelings and knowing that someone else feels the same (like she was ur "go to", like Tuckie was mine) helps us feel we are not alone in our inner feelings.

I hope the 'curve balls' calm down for u soon.

Thinking of u.

hugs and love

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Thank you Cindy, for being so understanding. I think of you and Tuckie-butt quite often and hope you are doing ok. :heart:

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I keep thinking back to a year ago what I was doing and how little I knew my life was about to change drastically. This exact day last year Layla was suntanning in the back yard, It was a Sunday and she always spent the morning going in and out. She would have been feeling ok until tomorrow night, when she began to whine faintly and occassionally. And we would be waiting for our vet appt. on Friday for her x-rays.

I don't know how to truly convey my exact feelings but I still feel as though I am in a state of shock and disbelief. I tend to have a hard time imagining things until they actually happen so when Layla passed away, I couldn't imagine life continuing to exist and move forward. I truly thought the sun would never rise again, that I would never go back to work, that I would forever exist in that moment right after she passed away. Yet time has failed me and here I am, almost 365 days later; how has this happened? How has time continued without Layla? There was a time when I could say "Last week, last month, last holiday, Layla was here.." I can't do that anymore after this. Because it won't be last Halloween Layla and I celebrated, it will be the Halloween before the last. This will be her second birthday without me and mine without her.

I never understood my friends with kids saying how they couldn't live if something happened to one of their kids. I used to think, what about the rest? Wouldn't that be enough? But I kind of understand it now - it's not that they aren't enough, the other kids are still not the one that is missing. It's not about it being enough, it's about the loss. That's how I feel with Chloe and Dove. I love them to pieces, but Layla is still gone. And while Chloe is my everthing and I can't imagine life without her, she is Chloe. And Layla was Layla. And having one does not remove the pain of losing another.

Don't get me wrong. I don't know how I would've made it through this last year without Chloe. And when I look at her, and she settles in my lap and groans (and quite often, shoves me off the couch in the process) I feel content. Deep down in the deepest part of my heart, I know that Layla is gone and I can do nothing about that. And because it was time for Layla to go, I found Chloe. And I love the hell outta the big ol' labradork.

I know everyone here understands where I'm coming from, even if it is hard to put into words. This last year has been a whirlwhind of emotions; every so often I have a day where I feel like I can move on and be ok. I cherish those days because I feel content and Layla's absence doesn't feel so empty. But most days, the mere thought of life without her makes me choke up and cry. So when I think of her, which is so very often, I try to think of all the good. Layla suntanning, bringing me a toy everytime I came home, her little half-jumps and flying-nun ears. It still hurts like nothing else in this world but it's a hurt brought on by love. I can handle that better than the pain brought on by knowing I'll be without her for the rest of my life.

Not quite a year yet, but it doesn't really matter. All the days feel the same. I love you Layla Ann, always and forever in my heart. :heart:

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My heart feels like it is broken into a million pieces. Missing my girl so very much today,

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My heart feels like it is broken into a million pieces. Missing my girl so very much today,

post-382-0-79906900-1406720517_thumb.jpg

Would a "Hoagie Hug" help you feel a little better? Consider yourself hugged by a big ole pittie. PS- We have a little bit of Italian too.

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I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope your day gets a little better, can't say easierbut can say better a hug and a squeeze to you!!

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Yes, I think a Hoagie Hug would help VERY much! Thanks you guys ;) Italian too, eh? So you know EXACTLY what my post meant then eh?? LOL

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope your day gets a little better, can't say easierbut can say better a hug and a squeeze to you!!

If I truly force myself to be honest, I know in my heart it will get better. My virtue is not patience... ;) But, I would trade all of the heartache in the world for one more moment with her. She was definitely worth the pain of a thousand suns. Thank you for the words of encouragement; every bit of it helps. :heart: I know tomorrow will be the second toughest day of my life. I'm not ready but I know that doesn't really matter. The sun still rises and sets, even when you will it to be dark. I remember when JB Dogg passed away; I quoted Antoine de Saint-Exupery, a French novelist who had a way of expressing himself in the most amazing way. The quote was this: "Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." I shared this with Dan because I thought it would bring him comfort during the roller-coaster he was on with his main-man JB Dogg. Because when you truly love, you don't impose your view and conform others. Instead, you share the view with them. Even if that view leaves you heartbroken. I know that I must continue to look outward, the same direction as Layla. It would be selfish of me to think she should be here with me. Because we both knew that one day we would have to look outward to the same destination and that only one of us would be going. Looking outward I see Layla running free and wild, before her stroke. I see brown beautiful eyes, not blue cataracts. She is confident and plays with other dogs, and she trusts again. She's with her kitty Nefertiti again and she is waiting. Patiently waiting. :heart:HUGS

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You are very much a strong mama, you have every bit of my respect!!! I would not be able to say the same. I know you love her still very much today!! May your heart be lifted knowing she's always still beside you, in spirit as well as heart!!

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So Sept. 14 was Ms. Layla Ann's birthday :broken_heart: Chloe and I spent the day together, and we did all sorts of stuff Layla would've done. And I think she liked that :) We sang her Happy Birthday, Chloe got a new toy and a new bone, and I managed to not cry the entire day. I think it was the first time in over a year, that I have celebrated anything (besides Chloe's birthday!). It actually felt good to be celebrating for Layla because every other day, I just miss her and it hurts. But Sunday was ok, and Chloe definitely enjoyed Layla's birthday :)

Since I am currently at work (shhh!) I cannot upload the pics. But I took some on Sunday and you'll be breathless when you see them. Let me tell you the background...

Saturday, Chloe got a new toy (yeah yeah yeah, I know - she IS spoiled!) - this toy is pink and shaped like a barbell. But for some reason, the moment I saw this toy I thought "Layla". Perhaps it's because my boxer-butt had a green/yellow barbell and I can still picture her playing with it. She had it for 12 years, it was the first toy I got her.

Chloe's lights up and is chewable and she just loves that damn thing. But I don't know why I kept thinking Layla when I saw it. After the novelty of the new toy wore off, Chloe went back to other, chewable things and the barbell was left to the side of the living room. Well, it kept lighting up randomly. Or it would light up and keep going until I walked over to it and then it would just stop. Weird right? It did this all day Saturday and Sunday. It stopped on Monday and seems to be working the way it should - only lighting up when it is hit.

Sunday afternoon, Chloe and I were singing Happy Birthday to my angel girl and the presence of Layla hit me. It was so strong, I could have heard her little paws tapping on the carpet. So Chloe and I came into the living room (we were in the dining room) and in the middle of the floor, were two hearts. Somehow the sun patterned through the blinds and left these two hearts on the floor. And as I stood there, Chloe moved and her shadow made a different shadow that looks just like how Layla used to stand. (After her stroke, Layla walked and stood different. Her back end sloped more than usual; it was a bit drastic compared to the normal slope from withers to hind-end.) Thankfully, I was able to snag about three photos before the hearts disappeared. So you will see two hearts with what looks like part of Layla standing between.

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Man, I miss her.

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Layla sure let u know she was there, and is always there for u Gabs.

I'm glad u celebrate Layla's BD with Chloe, and Layla is too.

Big hugs!

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Missing my Layla Ann. Always thinking of her, especially during this time of year. The weather is cooler, the humidity is gone, and my angel face loved Autumn. She loved to spend her mornings laying out in the yard - it was quite usual to find Layla suntanning in the backyard for 30 minutes. Sept 14, she would have been 14 and Chloe and I spent the day well, living it :) I know Layla would have been enjoying her day if she was still here, so we did it for her.

It's so amazing how one special dog can change your life. What started out as a little neglected, pet store "reject" puppy ended up being the most amazing, special, loving, sweet dog anyone could ask for. How very lucky I am that she waited for me. Missing you forever my sweet Layla Ann, until we meet again.

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I'm glad u are enjoying ur day for Layla. I know she is smiling.

big hugs to u Gaby.

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Today is Layla's bday, I miss her so much. It's not any easier, and all I want is to be with her. It's been so tough without her, everything seems to have changed and fallen apart. More than anything I wish I could bury my head in her fur and just cry until I felt better. 

I just can't do this without her; some days I don't even want to. I don't know what to do anymore 😢💔🐾

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